Changing Perspectives // Letting Go

When she started letting go, her vision became clearer. The present felt more manageable and the future began to look open and full of bright possibilities. As she shed the tense energy of the past, her power and creativity returned to her. With a revitalized excitement, she focused on building a new life where joy and freedom were abundant. ~ YP #yungpueblo

Not sure if you’ve ever read Yung Pueblo’s writings, but his words always resonate with me. Especially now – with so much in flux in my work life right now (#corporatelife woes) on top of an apartment that’s still not settled after moving in January plus a few family health concerns and wanting more time to dedicate to creative outlets…i need to keep reminding myself to #letgo. (follow @yung_pueblo on IG for enlightening reads).

Let go of shitty past experiences.
Let go of self doubt.
Let go of insecurities that others cause or project onto you.
Let go of anxiety that someone else may have caused (former bosses, past jobs, competitive colleagues, former friends, and family too).
Let go of pent up animosity from any of the above that negatively shifts your perception today.

It’s insane to realize how we carry traumatic past experiences with us for years. In my work life this week, I learned that my job may be changing to a title I’ve already had, but under a toxic boss 2 years ago. Hearing that that’s where I’m headed brought back painful memories from my previous time and dwelling on those moments made me really depressed and anxious about what *could* happen again. Does anybody else’s mind finally quiet itself only to then have the  “what if” loop start? I.e. everything will be fine, she’s not the same person as the last one…but what if she treats me the same? Of course, it’s never fair to judge a book by its cover or to ever compare two people, but fear causes irrational thoughts and reactions. My bad association with that title was caused by a micro-managing previous boss who cut me down any chance possible, questioned my intelligence and unfortunately caused one of my worst bouts of depression and anxiety I’ve ever had. Her gas-lighting manipulation tactics seriously mind-fucked me to the point that I would constantly second guess myself, and lost any sense of self-confidence I had. It took me all of 2018 to build my confidence back, and I’m thankful for my company’s leadership to have helped me get there, but when that regained confidence in my role was *seemingly* threatened this week, I lost my cool.
Mental health is a constant practice and focus for me as I know I have depression, anxiety and alcoholism in my family. I seek solace in hobbies and self care practices whether that be yoga, writing, or trying new makeup looks – I try to keep myself sane through any means that spark joy for me.

Have you had past experiences that irrationally shaped how you look at something today? I would love to hear your favorite coping methods

? by me at the The Ringling Museum in Florida. This is “Joseph’s coat”  by James Turrell- a beautiful courtyard with square cutout and a system of LED lights that are supposed to “changes the context in which you view the sky and can radically change your perception of the color of the sky and its spatial relation to you.” We didn’t stick around for sunset, but it was an epic space to be in (especially for inward reflection).

Update on 03.18.19 – I first shared this photo + @yung_pueblo quote caption on Friday when my mind was in a very stressed place. I gave myself time to decompress, rest, and really process what I was feeling, and today am looking at that same situation with newfound calm. My little Monday motivation for your week: yes, absolutely let go of negativity, doubt and irrational fear, but also give yourself time. Yes, I’m a firm believer that time heals everything, but if you’re not giving yourself the proper space to really heal and take a hard look at the source of these feelings then time may just be giving you the distance to forget the pain without actually healing.

Letting go + time for introspective reflection = self care goals. Why? Because while you can totally sit on your couch for 20mins with a sheet mask on, that won’t help your mental health – self care is about making time for you, not just the external you but the internal, emotional you too.

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